


To Everything, There is a Season

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Children, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Post Bartlett Administration, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-13
Updated: 2010-01-13
Packaged: 2019-05-15 23:33:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14800064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of theWest Wing Fanfiction Central, a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in theannouncement post.





	To Everything, There is a Season

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: Warning - stressful topics

 

 

Spoilers through end of series; possible spoilers for \"Holding Hands on the Way Down\"

 

 

Not mine, never were, never will be, but they consume my soul

 

 

Feedback and criticism always welcomed

 

 

For Algernon, Robin, Bo-Diddle, and Destiny - I love you and remember you. Until we meet at the Bridge.  


* * *

**April 28, 2018; Kensington CA; late afternoon**

“And so, all-compassionate God, we commend to Your eternal love, Jasmine, our beloved four-legged, fur-coated family member. We ask You to watch over her as she roams Your heavens, free from all disease and pain. Until You choose to call us to be with You, care for her as You do all Your creatures. We ask this, as always, from You, triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.”

From force of habit older than she cared to remember, CJ crossed herself as Paul spoke those final words. She noticed that Pat did the same, but that Caitlin and Dansha did not, until they noticed their mother and brother doing so.

At a nod from his Papa, Pat gently lowered the metal can that had held the Christmas fruitcake from the Trappist monks in Gethsemane (an annual gift from one of Paul and Alicia’s old friends from Lexington) and which now held the cremains of their beloved dog into the prepared grave in the back yard. Then everyone present – the family, including Derrick, who had come up for the weekend, Billy Marshall, his mother Amy, and Lee and Dottie from next door – threw a flower onto the makeshift coffin. Then Derrick shoveled dirt into the hole, a couple of Gerbera daisy plants were taken from their containers and planted, and the makeshift marker (shaped by the kids from Play-Dough® a week ago and left to cure) was put in place. The permanent stone was on order.

There would be a small, short reception (“Like we had for Daddy,” Pat insisted). Derrick suggested that they go out for dinner, but the kids said they just wanted to stay around the house.

**March 15, 2018**

“Mama home! I see car!”

Dansha ran into the family room to inform her father, brother and sister of the arrival of CJ and Jasmine from their trip to the vet.

By the time the four of them were in the kitchen (the kids running, Paul walking at a slower pace), the sounds of the garage door closing, two car doors opening and closing, and the excited bark of a Canine-American were heard, and the door from the garage opened to admit the missing family members.

Jasmine accepted the hugs of the kids and exchanged sloppy kisses with them before going to the sliding glass doors to the deck with the kids in tow.

“I’m sorry the kids were more excited to see the dog than to see you, sweetheart,” Paul told her as he pulled her into a one-armed embrace and kissed her mouth.

“This time, I’m not,” CJ replied.

Paul pulled away and looked at his wife’s face. Seeing the redness in her eyes, he reached up to stroke her jaw with his thumb.

“Tell me.”

For the past week, Jasmine seemed to be a bit “off”. Her tail continued to wag enthusiastically when anyone came into the house, be it a stranger, a friend, or just a family member who went outside to put something in the trash. But her appetite was a bit off, she seemed want to end walks more quickly than was her habit, and, for the past three days, she struggled to get up on Pat’s bed.

“It’s called hemangiosarcoma. It’s a cancer of the blood vessels in the liver, spleen, gall bladder, that sort of thing. Melinda wants to do a splenectomy tomorrow.”

Paul fought the tears that came to his eyes and he saw CJ begin to get weepy with the telling of the tale.

“And her prognosis?”

“There is no cure. Removing the spleen will give her, and us, some time, maybe a month, at most three, to say our good-byes, to prepare for the inevitable.”

“We’ll tell the kids after supper?” Paul asked and, getting the agreeing nod, the two of them stood there in embrace, comforting each other and steeling themselves to get through the next two hours of preparing the evening meal, eating it, and then telling the children.

**Later that same day**

No, they reassured a distraught boy, it was nobody’s fault.

“According to Dr. Melinda, dogs are often very good at disguising their pain. Unless we had had some other reason for doing an ultrasound on her stomach, we would not have noticed anything. Her gums are paler than they should be, due to the anemia from all the blood seeping into her organs, but that was also gradual,” CJ explained. Pat was cuddled up against her, the way he did so many times during those last months with Danny. In a twinkling, in an instant, her “almost nine, almost grown-up” son was her baby of five years ago, needing his Mama to shield him from the world.

“Jasmine has to go to be with Jesus, like Daddy did?” Caitlin was old enough to grasp the context of the conversation, but she was still trying to understand.

“ _Yes, like me. If it weren’t for that insurance physical and the tests, I wouldn’t have known until a few weeks before I left.”_

Dansha hadn’t said anything yet, but she was lying on the floor behind the dog, her arm lightly resting on the dog’s shoulders.

“Daddy was with us for six months before Jesus took him,” Caitlin said. “Maybe God will wait that long, or longer, before taking Jasmine.”

Paul and CJ looked at each other. Paul gave CJ a look that said, I’ll do it.

“It’s different with animals, Caitlin,” Paul said. “When they get to feel so bad, when the pain gets to be way too much, we do something called euthanasia. Dr. Melinda will give Jasmine something to let her die peacefully. She’ll just close her eyes and stop breathing.”

“I don’t want Jasmine to go!” Caitlin cried. She ran up to Paul. “Please, Papa! Don’t let her die!”

“Oh, Kitty-Caitlin,” Paul sighed, pulling the little girl into his lap and into his arms, “I wish I could make her better.”

CJ saw the tears in Paul’s eyes and her heart broke for both her daughter and her husband.

Pat looked up at his mother. “Derrick has to know. He loves Jasmine, too.”

**March 23, 2018; 9:45 PM**

“Here you go.”

Paul handed the glass to Derrick and sat down.

Father and son sipped on their portions of MacDonald pot-still whiskey and sighed appreciatively.

“CJ?” Derrick asked.

“Fell asleep lying down with Caitlin,” came the reply. “Paddy, excuse me, Pat is wrapped around Jasmine on the lower bunk. We’re trying to keep a balance between allowances for what these last weeks will be like and keeping a sense of order for the kids. Last weekend, we let all three of them sleep here, with sleeping bags, so all of them could be with Jasmine. But come Monday, we kind of said that, assuming the dog could get up onto the beds, the kids would have to take turns. So, do you want to get into the rotation?”

“Well, I’m not sure Jasmine should be getting onto an upper bunk,” Derrick said lightly. “I mean, if she decides to get up, that jump is not just a couple of inches.”

Last Thursday, when told of the events of the day, Derrick had at first wanted to drive up the next day, after work, to “be there for Pat”. CJ suggested that he wait until this weekend. After the surgery to remove her spleen, Jasmine would be coming home the same day, but she would be given Valium over the weekend in order to keep her from trying to do too much and ripping her stitches. Derrick accepted her advice and told his brother that he would come up now and that he would “come when it’s time” as well.

“Jasmine seemed almost normal when I came in,” Derrick observed. “Is it possible that the splenectomy helped?”

“It relieved pressure, but Dr. Gordon also gave her a blood transfusion and she’s coming by twice a week to give Jasmine a Vitamin-B injection.” Paul sighed and repeated to his older son what he had been telling the younger kids all week. “But it isn’t a cure; it’s only a temporary reprieve.”

“I know; I’ve been researching myself. It’s going to be hard for them. Pad – Pat adores that dog. He told me it wasn't fair, that Danny had twelve years with Pistol and that Jasmine has only been with the family for about two. I told him that, from what I understood, Danny got Pistol as a pup and that the vet estimated that Jasmine was about 4 or 5 when we adopted her. I also told him that, from what they could determine, Jasmine's life before coming here was a bit rough and that at least the last two years of her life, she was a treasured and coddled member of the family.”

“Yes, it will be rough, and I'm glad that you came up, both for you to have some time with the dog and to be a source of support for Pat. Sometimes, I think that Danny wanted you for his son as much as he wanted me for his wife. But enough of sad things. What good things are happening with you? There’s something different with you, son. I can sense it. You’ve got a sense of serenity about you that is remarkable, considering - ”

“That I’m about to get married and change my life? You’ve always been unusually perceptive with us, Dad, so why should this time be any different? Last August, when Tasha was finally ready to be intimate with me, we were tested for HIV and other STDs. Well, I didn’t want to rest on that one test. With my past, I wanted to make double sure that I wouldn’t be exposing her to anything, so we continued to use condoms even after the results were negative. Anyway, at the end of February, we tested again, and, by the way, it was Tasha that insisted on her being tested, I would have accepted that she hadn’t been with anyone except that monster. Anyway, the second set of tests were negative and now there’s no need to be careful.

“You know, Dad, before, I assumed that it would feel so much better without, and it does, but it’s more than just the sense of *really* touching her. There is a mental intensity, a spiritual intensity, that is so unbelievable. Even the time and the act of using the diaphragm doesn’t take away from the incredibleness of it all.”

Paul’s face must have asked the question he was too tactful to pursue out loud.

“I know everyone recommends that newlyweds wait a while, but we want to start trying for a family right away. However, we don’t want to be successful before the ceremony. We want Tasha to fit into her dress; we want to be able to enjoy wine, champagne, brie, the whole nine yards. We want to have the ceremony and the celebration, to let our family and friends know that we are binding ourselves to each other, to ask for their support, to make our promises to each other and to God in their company. Natasha’s ob-gyn said that if she used pills, we would have to wait for several months after she stopped using them before trying to conceive. So, until our wedding night, it’s the diaphragm. It *is* a barrier between us, and there were times, at first, when maybe I was a little too, too,” Derrick searched for the right word.

“Exuberant,” Paul suggested with a smile. Now was not the time to tell Derrick that yes, for the most part, newlywed couples were advised to wait for some time before adding children to their lives. Marriage, even after living together, changes a couple, and, ideally, the two of them should take time to find their comfort level in the new relationship. But ideal is not always real. If Derrick and his daughter-to-be wanted to become parents shortly after marriage, Paul would give them whatever support they would need to make both adjustments at pretty much the same time.

“I wasn’t hurting her, Dad,” Derrick hastened to explain, “at least, not intentionally, it’s just that sometimes - ”

“One or both of you need the intensity,” Paul finished. “I understand, Derrick. Remember, I told you that at times sex can be hard, assuming both of you are okay with it, but it should never be rough.”

“So, anyway,” Derrick continued, “that’s why, if I’m radiating any sort of glow, or aura. I’m incredibly happy, Natasha’s incredibly happy, except that she feels horrible about Jasmine, of course. If she hadn’t had this thing with the placement tests for the incoming Honors freshmen, she would have come with me,” Derrick explained for the second time.

“Dad? What about you? Is there something bothering you? You don’t seem to be yourself, either, but in a troubling way. Is there anything I can help with?”

“Me?” Paul asked quickly. (Almost too quickly, Derrick thought). “Well, it is stressful, helping the kids to deal with Jasmine’s impending mortality. And for CJ and me, we’re both affected by it as well. Jasmine is part of our family, and we’re all losing her, we’re all broken-hearted about the cancer.”

You’re not telling me everything, Dad, Derrick said to himself, but I’m not going to pursue it tonight. However, I’m serving mental notice that I’m not going to let it drop forever.

**Earth time April 21, 2018**

_Jasmine opened her eyes and immediately knew that something was drastically different. For one thing, she didn’t hurt anymore. For another, she wasn’t shivering, even though there wasn’t a blanket covering her._

_And everything looked different. What she last remembered was being in the family room, on an air mattress on the floor, surrounded by all her people, and Dr Melinda had given her another shot. Now she was in a field filled with flowers and trees. Instead of everything being just lighter or darker, everything was bright and different; Jasmine knew that this was that “color” thing that her people talked about but she couldn’t see._

_Suddenly another dog face blocked out the view. It sniffed her face and then its tongue licked her nose._

“ _Hi, Jasmine. Welcome to heaven. Welcome to Rainbow Bridge. I’m Pistol.”_

“ _Where’s Paddy, I mean Pat? And Caitlin, and the rest of my people?”_

“ _Where they live; see?”_

_Jasmine looked down and she could see herself, lying very still in the family room. Her people were all around her, crying, hugging her (only it wasn’t her), and hugging each other. Dr. Melinda was packing up her bag and saying something about taking as much “time as you need before carrying her to my van. Cremation should take about three to seven days, depending on, well, how many others - ”_

“ _I want to be with them.”_

“ _You will,” Pistol said, “When They send for them. In the meantime, you’ll be here with us.”_

“ _Us?” Jasmine asked._

“ _All the other dogs, cats, birds, fish, all the other animals. Look, this is Gail. Danny gave her to CJ when they first met. And, of course, the other people. Look, they’re waiting for us.”_

_Jasmine looked up and saw the man whose picture Pat and Caitlin called “Daddy”. He was standing with the lady that Derrick called “Mom”. There were five kids, a boy and a girl that looked like Paul, two boys that looked like CJ’s brother Randy, and a girl that looked like Paddy but with Caitlin’s hair. They crowded around the two dogs, and told Jasmine that she was part of their family now._

**April 28, 2018**

Paul walked into his study and removed his liturgical stole. He really should get back to the family, he told himself. The kids were still extremely fragile and would need both their parents, as well as their big brother.

But he wasn’t ready to be the parent, not just yet. For one thing, he was as devastated about Jasmine as the children. And then there was the other thing.

Paul braced himself on the edge of the desk, sagged his shoulders, and sighed.

“Dad? What is it? Please let me help.”

Paul looked up to see Derrick in the doorway. He summoned up the strength to use his most parental, most authoritative, most “I’ll brook no dissent” tone.

“Just that it’s been a long six weeks, son. Really.”

“Okay,” Derrick said, *his* tone implying I don’t believe you for a second, but you’re my father and I respect you.

“Derrick, would you mind staying with the kids for a bit?”

As Derrick walked away, Paul saw that CJ had been standing behind him, the day’s mail in her hand. She set it on the table in the foyer and, walking into the study, shut the door behind her.

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what, sweetheart?” Paul smiled at his wife.

“Paul, you can try that with Derrick, but I’m your wife. Something is going on with you, something has been bothering you for the past two months. No,” CJ lifted up her hand, “don’t. You’ve been trying to hide it, but I can sense it. The kids are broken up about Jasmine, and you’ve been great with them, but I can sense that it’s sometimes not quite as naturally flowing as it usually is.”

“CJ, Jasmine’s death hurts me too,” Paul protested.

“I know that; but after five years, not to mention my time with Danny and my time with you when we were kids, I know that there is something else. Please, Paul, share with me,” CJ pleaded.

Paul started to protest again, realized he would only be postponing the inevitable, and gave in.

“It’s the Jasper Hay case. They want me to be there when - ”, Paul stopped, not able to go on.

Jasper Hay had bombed an abortion clinic, killing thirty-two people, had been tried and sentenced to death by a federal court. The execution was scheduled for next month. The final appeals had been rejected, and President Haffley had dismissed any chance of clemency, seeing no problem with killing someone who killed someone for “killing a preborn”.

“CJ, I don’t see how I can do it, be there when they execute him. The thought of it terrifies me. But then I tell myself that it’s what I signed on for when I told God I would go where, and to whom, He sent me, where He needed me to go and I feel I have to do it. And then I picture it, when they strap the man onto the gurney, his arms extended like Christ’s when they nailed Him to the cross before raising it, and I get sick to my stomach. And these past weeks, with Jasmine, Pat and Caitlin asking me why we help animals to die and if we ever help people to die, plus Pat and his classmates aware of the pending execution and him asking me about the morality of the whole thing.”

And it became too much. Paul started crying silently, fell to his knees, and wrapping his arms around CJ’s waist, put his head against her stomach.

“Oh, my darling, why have you held this inside yourself?” CJ said, reaching down to kiss the top of Paul’s head. She pulled him to his feet and walked him to the loveseat. “You don’t have to do this. In fact, given what you’ve said, you can’t do this. Participating in this will change you forever, and I speak from experience. Simon Cruz,” CJ said when Paul gave her a questioning look. “My only involvement was telling the President when it was over and announcing the time of death to the Press Corps and it weighs on me to this day. All of us, Sam, Toby, Josh, especially the President, none of us would want to go through it again, would have wanted to go through it the first time had we known.”

“But, and forgive the cliché, what would Jesus do?”

“That’s not the question, Paul. You, my beloved husband, are not Jesus. You are one of the countless people He asks to help Him with His mission, but He doesn’t expect you to do everything. You have the right to say ‘No’ when your own mental health depends on it. There are too many other people depending on you, us, your students, your church, for you to risk putting yourself in a perilous state. You will tell them that,” CJ ordered.

“Yes, sweetheart. I hear and obey. And thank you. I feel as if the weight of the world has been taken from me.”

“Well, this time, it was my turn to be the strong one.”

“ _Oh, CJ, I am so proud of you. I taught you well, my beloved,” Danny said._

“ _And I’m proud of you, Paul. I know how much you pride yourself on being the one in charge, the one in control. It’s good to see you accepting help.”_

_Alicia took hold of Danny’s hand and the two of them walked to the bench by the edge of the field. Then she picked up her sketch pad and began to capture the sight of the two black labs running joyfully after a group of butterflies._


End file.
